Wait by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
"Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate hangs in the balance,
And you tell me to wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And I grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be,
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still... "Wait."

Discretion

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Proverbs 31:11

As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion... Proverbs 11:22

Given some disappointing news in regards to the timeline of our adoption last week, I have purposed to take the upcoming months to grow as a wife, without the stresses of my job or of motherhood. My goal is to focus on my husband and to learn to truly be a helpmate. The first verse above has been inescapable in my heart over the past few weeks. What does it mean, "the heart of her husband safely trusts her." Of course, fidelity, the knowledge that I am wholly his.

But what is fidelity really? And am I guilty of infidelity? Webster says it is, "the quality or state of being faithful." Hmmm, off to faithful... At faithful, I find words like loyal, constant, staunch, steadfast and resolute. Good words, but how do I flesh that out.

Here is what I have been thinking about fidelity and my husband's safe entrusting of his heart of me. Fidelity involves all aspects of my being. There is no area that is unfaithful to him. My husband should be confident that my heart is true to him, my mind is true to him, my speech is true to him. Fidelity of speech is what has really been driven home in my heart lately.

When I say I must have fidelity of speech, it involves so many things. Foremost, I believe fidelity of speech involves DISCRETION.

My words must never tear him down or belittle him to others. How can his heart safely trust me, if I am telling my girlfriend his weaknesses, who then tells her husband his weaknesses? All men have weaknesses, and no spouse is perfect and all fulfilling. But does a husband's heart feel safe when another man knows the specific areas where he is not fulfilling his wife? And let's be honest, does a wife want another woman to know the areas where she does not fulfill him? What a grieving breakdown in the intimacy, the sanctity of the marriage! It is just so easy to seek comfort in a friend, instead of graciously accepting a husband as he is and working with him and the Father to improve the marriage.

But there are still other areas, where I must consider fidelity in my discretion of speech. Like it or not, wherever I go, I represent my husband. People make decisions about him based on the things I do and say. If my words are honest, pure and life giving, a level respect is apportioned to him. However, if my words are unreliable, crude or slanderous, he is disregarded and pitied.

I have noticed that truly great men, have women who understand this principle. When I look to great historical and political figures, so often, their wives lived life as an ambassador of their husband and thus brought him greater respect and honor. These great women were ever mindful that their words and actions were an indelible reflection of their husband's worthiness.

Imagine a first lady, with an uncontrolled tongue, would her husband ever see a second term?

I think of my own pastor, a godly man of strength and character, and I see the reflection of this in the discretion of his wife. She is truly a testament of his faithfulness to the Lord.

How does any woman expect greatness from her husband, when her speech is constantly undermining his authority? How can she expect him to lead others, when his own wife does not regard his leadership or support his vision?

For me, discretion is probably my greatest struggle and I know it will most likely be a lifelong battle. My heart is so grieved when I think of the dishonor I have brought my husband through my indiscretion. But with resolve, I must press on, no matter how insurmountable my sin may seem to me.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

The past two days have marked a new phase for me. They have been the first real steps into my new life. Yesterday was my last day at the university. Today, I am officially a housewife, a soon-to-be stay-at-home mommy. Holy cow! And if that wasn't enough, today we got rid of my super hot and sporty turbo beetle and got me a mom-mobile. I am the proud new owner of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Eek! Safe and roomy and definitely no turbo engine. It's DARK BLUE, not ORANGE. Tim keeps telling me to remember that I didn't trade a bug for a boring SUV, I traded a bug for a whole new life, for a baby!

I sat in the Jeep tonight and imagined a car seat in the back, a cooing Harry fiddling with a toy. So bring on the changes, I'll take em. Gladly!

Baby News...

Well we got some great news this week.

When we traveled to meet our baby, three other wonderful couples went traveled with us. Tim and I so enjoyed getting to know these couples and spending such a very special time in our lives with them.

Well, earlier this week, we all emailed each other new photos of our little ones and talked about the part of the process that we are currently in. We were all in the same waiting phase. Until yesterday. One family got approved yesterday and another family got their approval today. From the point of this approval, families typically wait 4 to 6 weeks to bring their babies home. It is so exciting! There is no telling how much longer we will wait, but this is definitely a good sign.

Babies for Christmas!!! Keep praying!!!

Welcome to my blog

Hi Friends,

There is so much going on at Casa Fitz... little news, big news, so here is the place for the updates... intertwined with all of the random Charlotte musing you expect!