Discretion

The heart of her husband safely trusts her... Proverbs 31:11

As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion... Proverbs 11:22

Given some disappointing news in regards to the timeline of our adoption last week, I have purposed to take the upcoming months to grow as a wife, without the stresses of my job or of motherhood. My goal is to focus on my husband and to learn to truly be a helpmate. The first verse above has been inescapable in my heart over the past few weeks. What does it mean, "the heart of her husband safely trusts her." Of course, fidelity, the knowledge that I am wholly his.

But what is fidelity really? And am I guilty of infidelity? Webster says it is, "the quality or state of being faithful." Hmmm, off to faithful... At faithful, I find words like loyal, constant, staunch, steadfast and resolute. Good words, but how do I flesh that out.

Here is what I have been thinking about fidelity and my husband's safe entrusting of his heart of me. Fidelity involves all aspects of my being. There is no area that is unfaithful to him. My husband should be confident that my heart is true to him, my mind is true to him, my speech is true to him. Fidelity of speech is what has really been driven home in my heart lately.

When I say I must have fidelity of speech, it involves so many things. Foremost, I believe fidelity of speech involves DISCRETION.

My words must never tear him down or belittle him to others. How can his heart safely trust me, if I am telling my girlfriend his weaknesses, who then tells her husband his weaknesses? All men have weaknesses, and no spouse is perfect and all fulfilling. But does a husband's heart feel safe when another man knows the specific areas where he is not fulfilling his wife? And let's be honest, does a wife want another woman to know the areas where she does not fulfill him? What a grieving breakdown in the intimacy, the sanctity of the marriage! It is just so easy to seek comfort in a friend, instead of graciously accepting a husband as he is and working with him and the Father to improve the marriage.

But there are still other areas, where I must consider fidelity in my discretion of speech. Like it or not, wherever I go, I represent my husband. People make decisions about him based on the things I do and say. If my words are honest, pure and life giving, a level respect is apportioned to him. However, if my words are unreliable, crude or slanderous, he is disregarded and pitied.

I have noticed that truly great men, have women who understand this principle. When I look to great historical and political figures, so often, their wives lived life as an ambassador of their husband and thus brought him greater respect and honor. These great women were ever mindful that their words and actions were an indelible reflection of their husband's worthiness.

Imagine a first lady, with an uncontrolled tongue, would her husband ever see a second term?

I think of my own pastor, a godly man of strength and character, and I see the reflection of this in the discretion of his wife. She is truly a testament of his faithfulness to the Lord.

How does any woman expect greatness from her husband, when her speech is constantly undermining his authority? How can she expect him to lead others, when his own wife does not regard his leadership or support his vision?

For me, discretion is probably my greatest struggle and I know it will most likely be a lifelong battle. My heart is so grieved when I think of the dishonor I have brought my husband through my indiscretion. But with resolve, I must press on, no matter how insurmountable my sin may seem to me.